Baby G

My name is Morgan, my husband is Alex, and we have three boys, Lane 9, Maddux 3, and Knox 6 months. We also have a perfect angel baby who would have been 1 this past October. We never got to name our sweet baby, but all of our close friends and family know them as “Baby G.” 

We found out we were pregnant in February 2022, and we were so ecstatic. I did everything by the book, like I did with Maddux. We went to each doctor’s appointment right on time, got a couple ultrasound pictures in the beginning, and the baby was measuring small each time, but we were told not to think anything of it due to it still being so early in the beginning. So, we went on about everything as we should have.

We scheduled a gender reveal party to have all our friends and family come and find out what if our sweet baby was going to be another boy or if we were finally getting a girl to add to our family. We took Maddux with us to the doctor that day, I remember being so excited I couldn’t sleep. I was up bright and early, getting ready for our doctor’s appointment which wasn’t until 11 or so. I remember calling my mom and planning more things for the party, cleaning up the house, fixing our hanging calendar to the day of the party so I wouldn’t forget the morning of the party. We get to the appointment, and I am so anxious for no reason.

We meet with the ultrasound text Maddux in tow, so excited to see his baby on the screen. She asks us if we want to know what baby is and we tell her no, we want it to be put in an envelope and we would take it to a friend. So, we turn our heads, and she starts telling us that baby is being stubborn and she couldn’t get a good angle. So, we wait a little bit, and she tells us to turn around and that she needed to go get the doctor because baby wasn’t moving, and still measuring 2 weeks behind...

So, we wait, and a million things run through my mind, but when the doctor came in, we heard the words no parent wants to hear, “I’m sorry there is no heartbeat.” I didn’t know how to react, what to say, my body and mind were in total shock... I sat there and stared at the screen, the baby that I had just received genetic testing results from a week prior was gone. They told me on the phone a week ago how perfect they were, and they would be healthy, and now this… I just kept staring at the screen waiting to wake up from this awful dream...

The doctor came to me, and we had to decide, I was far enough along to deliver the baby, but he said I could be in labor for days because my body wasn’t ready. Or I could have the procedure… I opted for the procedure because there was no way mentally, I could deliver a baby I couldn’t take home. That was on Thursday, April 28, 2022. I had the procedure on Monday, May 2. And I do not remember much about that day. I woke up and showered and I cried, I remember crying so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath. I knew I had to get out and get ready. I got out of the shower and put on the bravest face that I knew how.

We went to the hospital and thankfully there isn’t much wait, and we were put in a room. I had the sweetest nurses that day. It’s like God put everyone in my presence that day for a reason. I went to have my procedure done and ended up losing a ton of blood. And had to have blood transfusions. That is literally all I remember about that week.  There were lots of tears, lots of grieving. Lots of friends and family visiting the house and bringing us meals. I don’t know if I ate anything that week.

I made the decision though, that I was going to use my story (though not a traumatic as some, traumatic enough for me) to help other women. Losing a baby is such a taboo subject. No one wants to talk about it. There are women who suffer in silence, but I won’t do that. I want to be someone these women can lean on. I want them to have someone and that’s what I do. I talk about my baby. No matter how uncomfortable it makes me people. My baby was here, even if it was for a short amount of time. They were here and I will remember them for as long as I live. I will be a shoulder someone can lean on and talk to when you don’t want anyone to know what you are going through. I will share the images of grieving parents on Facebook all throughout the year to remind families they are not alone. I will be an open ear any time for anyone going through this.

The most beautiful part of the story was when I gave birth to our little angel baby Knox. He was born 05/01/2023. A year after I lost my baby. God works in mysterious ways right?

 Is there something that helped you and continues to help you through the waves of grief involved in losing a baby?

I had so many friends there for me, and that are still there for me on the bad days. I couldn’t imagine going through this without them. My sister-in-law got me the bracelets from Zoe Faith, the one with the angel wings was so comforting to me, I wear it literally every single day. It reminds me that my baby is always with me, even if I never got to meet them on Earthside. I know my nana, and my husband’s dad are taking the best care of our baby until we get to meet them one day. 

Is there a symbol that you associate with Baby G? The symbol I characterize the most with Baby G is a cardinal. I spent a lot of time outside on our back porch after my d&c and there was a cardinal that sat in our willow tree every time I was out there. It was soon after I learned that the cardinal symbolized someone coming to visit you from heaven. I was nesting the weekend before we had Knox our rainbow baby, and was doing something on the back porch and each time I looked the cardinal was still there. I took it as a sign that Baby G was telling me everything was going to be ok. Several items in the gift shop have been created in honor of Baby G. 100% of the profits from purchases made between 11/30-12/10 will be donated to Beckett’s Blessing and the Gamble Family. Beckett’s Blessing is a nonprofit in the Gamble’s town and made a huge impact on the Gamble’s journey with grief and loss. They decided to donate the 50% they receive from the Carried Project back to Beckett’s Blessings. Zoe Faith Inc decided to donate the 50% they normally receive back to the Gamble Family to help with medical expenses. We would love you to stop by the gift shop and see if there is anything you might like.