Addi Brooke Smith

We are the Smith family – Jeremy & Alesha, our first-born Jaxon is 3, Judah is 1 and keeps us on our toes. Jeremy is a full-time fire fighter and I’m a stay-at-home mama, raising our boys.  We have had 3 miscarriages (March 2017, July 2017 and October 2019) and Addi was our first stillbirth on November 5, 2021. 

We found out we were pregnant in July and a week after finding out we were pregnant, I thought I experienced a miscarriage. After a week of symptoms not going away, I went in to confirm miscarriage and schedule a D&C, that’s when we found out our miracle Addi girl was 7 weeks and growing healthy and strong. They did, however, find a very large subchorionic hematoma. We became a high-risk pregnancy and had scares about every week where we thought we lost her, but she was a strong fighter.  

Around 19 weeks we got cleared from Maternal Fetal Medicine because Addi was perfect and the hematoma was shrinking. Early in the morning of November fifth, I was having constant and strong contractions. It had happened before, so I hopped in the shower to try to slow them down. Unfortunately, at 6:30 AM my water broke. My husband rushed home and we headed to the hospital.

The doctors confirmed my water had broken earlier in the morning and our Addi was not going to survive the day. The last time I felt her move was around 2:30 AM that morning. She still had a heartbeat when we got our last ultrasound at the hospital around 8:30 AM, and our perfect baby girl, Addi Brooke, was born sleeping at 5:27 PM. She was 20 weeks, 3 days, 10 inches and 11 ounces.

I had 2 previous c-sections and Addi was my first natural delivery. My husband got to cut the cord. He had not been able to do this for our prior births. He immediately placed Addi on my chest. We got to spend our entire time in the hospital holding her and taking in every tiny, perfect detail of our precious baby girl.

We have an incredible community around us – our family, friends, church family. They have sent cards, flowers, meals, and so many prayers have been prayed for us. This is all still so fresh and raw, but having people continually reach out letting us know they are praying for us and thinking of us has been so helpful. Knowing that we are not alone, getting to talk about our Addi and telling her story is helping us honor her short but meaningful life.

Do you have a favorite moment or experience during your pregnancy and/or after delivery with your baby? 

The day we found out we were having a girl was so great. We had a fishing bobber filled with colored powder. My parents put the bobber on the fishing pole and my husband cast it and when it broke open with pink powder, we were all so excited. After our 2 boys we couldn’t wait to have a girl. The best part of it was watching Jaxon’s face when he found out he was going to have a baby sister. He was, and still is, so smitten with his baby Addi.

Can you share a difficult moment or experience during your pregnancy and/or after delivery with your baby? 

A difficult moment was in the hospital filling out the paperwork for the funeral home. I was in a room where I could hear a newborn baby crying next door while I was holding my precious, lifeless baby girl filling out a release of her body… it was all just so hard to process and know that while the family next door was celebrating the happiest day of their lives, we were walking into the hardest time of ours.

What is something helpful others can do for someone who experiences a similar loss?

Reaching out, letting people know that there are people thinking of them is huge. We don’t need an explanation or one-liners to make us feel better, just knowing that there are people who may not fully understand what we are going through, but that we are not alone is so important. Also, having people bring us meals, buy groceries, offer to keep our boys so we can get out has been so kind and appreciated.

How could someone honor and remember your baby now that time has passed?

We have had people donate to non-profits in her name, our friends got a star named after her and we are working on something that we can do long-term to continue to honor our Addi.

Do you have traditions or ways that you remember and celebrate your baby?

We will most definitely honor her birthday every year and as we continue grieving and working on how we can best celebrate her life we will continue adding traditions and things we can do to honor her.

Is there a favorite quote that has encouraged you? Favorite book and/or song?

Promises by Maverick City was played on repeat for us during the whole pregnancy, while we were in the hospital delivering her and every day since we have lost her. Held by Abbey Wedgeworth has been so healing for me through my previous miscarriages and now again after losing Addi.