Jasmine cox
Jasmine Grace, born still on 3/11/18
When we were 13 weeks along, Jasmine was diagnosed with CDH (congenital diaphragmatic hernia). When we were a bit further along, we also determined she had mosaic trisomy 15. We were always warned there was a chance we could lose her. I did not feel her moving as much one day, but had an appt at the MFM. At the appointment, we learned she had developed hydrops.
We were given the option to try to induce her now and spend time with her or he said the chances Of her being stillborn would increase each day. I frantically tried to call another specialist to see if they could do something to help. They agreed to see us, but said I should go into the hospital for a movement check (this was a few days after the MFM appt).
We went to the hospital after having a birthday party for our son. In the waiting room, I remember looking at my Fitbit and my heart rate was extremely high, even though I was just standing there. I just knew at that time that she was gone.
We got the confirmation by ultrasound shortly after.
After finding out we lost her, we had the option to induce right then or go home and process and then come back. We decided to induce then.
The nurses were so incredibly kind to us throughout the whole process. I remember they even let me take a break and eat, when you normally can’t eat during labor. She was born the next day. Right before she came out, I remember crying to my husband and telling him I can’t do this. I can’t give birth to her knowing what the end result is.
The silence in that room was so deafening. I willed her to just make any sound, but she was silent.
She was so beautiful and so perfect. We got to hold her and spend time with her.
Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep was called in to take pictures. The nurses gave us every type of memorable item they possibly could. Handprints, footprints, photos.
When we were leaving the hospital, we had to say our final goodbye and leave our daughter there. I will never forget the kindness of all the nurses. Especially the one who held our daughter as we left.
I just enjoyed feeling her move. I felt her move pretty early on in the pregnancy. I loved seeing her sweet face on the ultrasound. I have an amazing 3D image of her face from the 2nd trimester of that pregnancy.
There were, unfortunately, a lot of difficult moments during this pregnancy. Finding out she had CDH, finding out she had mosaic trisomy 15, and finding out she had developed hydrops. When she was only diagnosed with CDH, we sought out the help of a specialist and he gave us hope. We were going to relocate and actually have a chance at saving her. The mosaic trisomy 15 diagnosis turned the tables. It is so rare that no one really know how it could possibly affect her. When she was diagnosed with hydrops, I called them and they said there was nothing they could do. I felt so let down and all my hope was just gone.
Last year, I started Project Finding Your Rainbow. I had a rainbow skirt I wore for the maternity pictures with my second daughter. This skirt now travels from person to person and the pictures and stories are shared.
I wanted to give other women the chance to share their stories, while also raising awareness for pregnancy and infant loss. This is an issue that affects so many people yet is still not widely talked about. I am hoping to change that.
People want to share their stories and want to be able to talk about their children and give hope to others who have gone through loss. Many of the people who participate never got to do maternity pictures with the child they lost or want to do something special to honor all their children. This is a small way I can help give back to the loss community.
So far, there have been over 50 participants, with more coming up in the next few months. One of the skirts (I had to get more than one) is currently in Canada and will be going to the UK in a couple of weeks.
I hope to keep this project going and help as many women heal as I can. Though our stories may be different, we are all united in that we have experienced tremendous loss. If I can do just one thing to help these women, I am happy to do it." - Sarah Cox
